Your Writing's Bakery

Life in Denmark isn't always easy and it sure thing ain't cheap. So to save on some expenses me and my best friend have been cooking more, making shopping lists before even thinking about going to a shop and we have also been baking bread. She makes the bread and I beak it. It is one of the unspeakable ways we do things. We have been doing it for couple of weeks now, every time trying something new.
Today as we assessed our last masterpiece we were discussing how to make it better. In that moment I saw the parallel to my writing. The way we did it! No judgment, simply figuring out what went wrong and knowing what to change the next time. No blaming yourself. Pods didn't fly in frustration. It feels so logical for me that if you want to get better you have to make mistakes.
So why is it that writing is so scary for me. Why do I put the pen down or close my computer so often thinking that people won't like it, nobody will read it! And what if they judge, point out my mistakes? Why is it that I have learned to live with it in almost every part of my life except for writing. Why am I so stubborn to let myself try to make mistakes, learn from them. The ironic thing is that in life, kitchen, relationships I love to asses what is not working, try something different and grow in the process.
I started to think that maybe my heart isn't quite there... Yet I have stories to tell.... Yet I always find my way back to words... Yet I start over and over...

Is it fear of failure or is it a simple laziness? The more I think about it the more I see that it all is about doing things and knowing how to fail.

It wasn't like I was a good cook. I actually remember myself swearing that I will never be able to cook. Now I taste an excellent soup in the cafe and the next thing I do I make a soup myself, something different, but still a soup.

Kitchen is all about learning the basics, trying new things and eventually developing a feeling, a taste for the food and the art of making it!

Wonder what might happen if I gave the same approach to my writing life?


What about you? At witch part, the basics, adventure or the taste for creating, is your writing life at? What pushed you to move from one to another? 


(Photo credit to my little sister Linda)

Pity party

Feeling like pitying yourself? Yeah, we all have been there. Some of us even enjoy it a little bit too much.  Frankly I find it quite depressive. So, the question is what to do when our unpleasant guest knocks on the doors of our minds?

Answer is simpler than we think...

JUST DO SOMETHING!!!!

That’s it! Feeling moody and depressive and unproductive that leads to self- pity, is like a cycle that paralysis us. To break a cycle we have to start moving. Do something- anything! Let it be a walk, run, a good read, hell, take out garbage. Just start making yourself busy. Over the last two years that I have spent abroad I have came to conclusion that:

Happy people=Busy people.

When we work on ourselves by doing something that we enjoy we grow and we do not have the time to feel restless, pitiful in any way.

Plus if it happens with you a lot- you can start training yourself by starting doing something every time that happens. Pretty soon you should be able to turn this unhealthy habit into something productive and feel a whole lot happier! :)

The way I see it- YOU are awesome-so break that cycle and get your but off the coach!

What do you think? How do you get over these moments? Do you try to get over them and be productive or do you like to dwell on the pity? 

Wake up call...

Well, a lot have happened in this awfully long time I haven't wrote anything ( or more preciseley haven't posted anything). So what I have been up to? Let's say I had some personal ass kicking to do. People say life is complicated but really it is quite simple: If you don't like it-change it. Don't like your job? Find another one. Are you not happy in your relationship? Maybe single isn't a bad idea. By now I can almost hear some of us moaning that it isn't that easy, please listen for a minute. There is another option. Once I read that you cannot change the world but you can change the way you look at it. How I learned that?
I have been swiming against the current for a while, looking for something. A state where I can live and be happy. I was once happy, people were drawn to me, I felt free and in my own way perfect. I could laugh about my mistakes. It happened when I just started to live in Denmark when for the first time in my life I found a way of simply living, I become myself. So what was wrong with me now? Where I lost it? I guess along the way I somehow started to push myself to be happy. Okay, let's be honest I struggled for it. What I have learned just before my 21 st birthday was that in life anything but happiness shouldn't be  a struggle.
Just before my birthday I met a person who helped me see the good in myself and around me. All this time I have been standing in my own way to hapiness, cutting off everything I could gain in my life. In every area of my life. Whose in the same boat? HA! I bet quite  a lot. Well since I realized that I pretty much love everything about my life I had to change the way I looked at what I have. Bam! World suddenly seemed more colorful, energy I didn't knew existed started to run trough my veins. I could say I fell in love with my life again but really I just got my wake up call. I mean where is the point to pretend to be someone else- when you are a amaizing person without lies and masks. The trick is that when you stop pretending people come to you and so does hapiness. But what's even better? You have put a feet in a doorway of who you can become. Take whatever you love and turn it into something meaningfull.
And now that I have a lot to say, again, I'm ready for more challenges. The first one would be joining 15 habits of Great Writers at goinswriter.com

As for my novel I have got through like one fifth and I have decided to give it a little bit of break to find my voice and become a writer. Because I am one...

Please leave a comment- I'm eager to know if you work for your happiness or you let yourfelf be?

Finely a Writer

When I got my wake up call few weeks ago I slipped into a state of pure happiness. I decided that I need a break from all the writing so I could figure out what I really want to do. What are the projects I want to work on to? Or even, maybe, I should give it a break for a year or so...
But what should I do? It was fun to just be happy for few days. Nevertheless to say I soon grew bored. I started running again. Pushed myself over 6 km last Monday felt like a superstar. Kept running.
Got bored. Then on Wednesday a particularly bad day, where I started to feel rather depressed I started reading and thinking about life. Around midnight I remembered about one of my ideas on a possible novel. Eager to read what I have wrote I found some little pieces I made for it.
For my surprise it was quite good... Hm mm
And then it happened- piece by piece the idea came back to me, with more puzzle pieces I could scribble down. I suddenly saw my main characters. I kind a knew how I want them to be. And a year or two ago, idea, all it was. Now there is a story in my brain about finding yourself. A theme that is quite dear to me. Excited I started to make profiles of the main characters.
Today, something else is happening. I feel like writer. It is  a desire that as I now understand I cannot take a break. Days just seem to be too easy without late nights, good books and lack of sleep. On my first help course for my driver's licence I realized that I need to be around people, I have to hear their stories, I have to tell them, I need to be connected.
  I started to work on my piece for my freelance journalism course about negative sexual experience. I decided to re- read Gail Caldwell's "Let's Take the Long Way Home"! Everyone who knows what is a real friendship will read this in a breath take.

Do you feel like a writer? What makes you feel like a writer?

Which way to go?

Hallehluja it is FridayJ! Even though I still have to work all weekend the fact that it is Friday keeps me one foot above ground. Weather has been generous providing us with sun and warm. And I haven’t had to force myself to write something. I sit down and words just flow taking me to places I didn’t consider to go. My novel have reached a point where it just comes out but something in emotional level doesn’t add up so I’m thinking about going back to my sketch board or read more about plotting.

 My characters do something unexpected and not sure if I should let the carry on or try to move them in another direction. Or maybe it is just me realizing that April is knocking on my doors and again I’m wondering in which direction I ‘m heading. However, I have hit my 12 000 words. It seems like nothing it is like one tenth from a novel but it is as far as I have got with one of my ideas. And I’m still determinate to stick with it.

I just finished a memoir “No Easy Road” by Patsy Whyte. Deep and moving as I find most of memoirs. I like to read them because I don’t know a better way to get into people’s heads understand what they are feeling and thinking, what drives them. The language is really nice too. Ending even though very good written- left me unsettled. I was waiting to see life turning around, sun shining, hope rising instead it left with m with going into unknown. But then again life tends to be this way- with no certainty. Definitely good book to read if not for writing reasons then for simple humanity. How much harm can do us not knowing…

Anyway for those who do read my posts, thanks for that! I appreciate it! J 

P.S. Photo by my little sister http://photographycmm.blogspot.com/

Swinging boat

                Last year I posted a blog about finding your missing piece. It came in mind today when I read a comment from Debra ( Thank you!), when I read her kind words it was that pitch moment that awards you work for, what you try to do and it gives a heads up to continue.

I’m kind a newbie in a world of writing mostly because I was scared to admit who I really am. I always looked at other writers and it seems so easy for them- how can they? Writing is a swinging boat. How can they risk everything? I lived in shadow of my fathers business like rising and a whole bunch of people telling me in face that I don’t have the guts or that writing everything down is bullshit or that your writing suck’s (coming from my Latvian teacher in high school). So I played safe and almost convinced me that it is not me! Almost...

Me living abroad and self- discovery have brought me back around to writing. Now I got myself together, I’m putting everything on line just like those other writers. And I don’t have a backup plan. My heart sings when it takes in the words and creates other ones. I’m safe to say – I have come out of this darkness. And now I have the guts to face all my challenges.

These last couple of months when I have really dedicated myself to writing I have discovered a whole new world. I’ve read lots of help articles, blogs, I’m a huge fan of Fundsforwriters.com, (and I just started Hope’s Lowcountry bribe) and with every new peace of reading I take in my writing world.

 get’s bigger and bigger! I discover people who are on the same page as I am. And suddenly loneness becomes a state of mind.

But takings are all about giving back! I will try my best to show the support for others as well.

I have olso got over my "frozen moment" in writing my novel and made it (a little painfully though) trough 1000 words. The thing about these 1000 words is that they feel like I have climbed a mountain. Feels so good! Now when the ice is broken- I cannot wait for the next week together with my characters!:)

By the way those who love Tv series “Criminal minds” would enjoy these short stories by RossGardiner.

And make sure to check out: www.fundsforwriters.com 

When ducks starts to shoot...

So, I haven't posted anything for like, well, forever. I've been dying to, but every time I wrote a post I realized that my grammar sucks and I should correct it, so I put it off for later. Frankly later never comes and those posts age. On February 25 I started my first novel -like really started it. I decided that I won’t stop or edit it until the first draft is ready. It is a story I've been friends with for a long time. I made an outline and characters’ profiles a while ago. I had everything, so why not? Why sit in the dark scared that you are not good enough, wait for the moment when your writing is in its perfection? Perfection won’t come without few bruises and bumps. And anyway for me this story is about forcing myself to finish it. Since I do have some commitment issues and those who write novels know that that’s exactly what it is- a big commitment. 

This process is like falling in love (or at least that’s how I imagine it to be) and being in a strong relationship. It is a game of trust- you will have to trust your characters to reveal who they are, respect them by being there for them- drumming the keyboard every single day. It actually is so funny, because my characters started to live by themselves after only 5000 words. Is that’s why it is so worth it?

I got my first bump a week ago. My full time job had a tough week- long hours, stress and complications + no weekend off for 3 straight weeks. And I can go on with excuses like that. And all  week I just couldn't pull myself together, only got more angry with myself, others… and eventually everything. Yesterday I got kicked in the pants. Here's how that happened and I'm only telling this because it might work for others too.

I wanted to change my life rapidly and get myself into writing process 100% last October. Because life put me on the stand and asked me: "What the hell do YOU WANT FROM YOUR LIFE?" Yup, and don't get me wrong, she screamed. Accidentally I came across a book "Writing down your soul: How to Activate and Listen to the Extraordinary Voice Within" by Janet Conner. http://www.writingdownyoursoul.com This book is incredible in so many levels. The idea is to write a journal to "get in touch" with your inner voice. I started to write journal to work on my ability to write, fight some demons but most importantly to train myself of becoming a consistent writer. 

Every entry starts with: "Dear ... " And you fill in the blank. I used Journal as an address. Once even God, because I felt deeply spirited and guided. So last week I have been very unproductive and not a word have been written. In a burst of frustration I took my Journal and without thinking I wrote: "Dear ME! You haven't been writing so long!" In shock and in a funk I pulled my arm away. I had hit the nail straight on the head. SO, I ended up creating a dialog between me and the strong-deep-inside-me. Sounds schizophrenic but it worked. Suddenly I had to answer to myself. And I had no excuses or place to hide. My inside me new everything; it felt pointless to lie. I was naked in front of my biggest judge. 

Today I took my computer and instantly opened my usual articles on writing and started this blog. Well, it definitely kicked me back on track so maybe we should try the other way around? Who says we have to shoot ducks?